


The Failure

by HighfalutinTomato



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Shadow Travel, The Burning Maze (Trials of Apollo) Spoilers, Will is Implied in the end there lmao, mostly just Nico not knowing how to cope and having a breakdown, sad angsty boi Nico hours, there's implied comfort but it's not stated lmao, tho he refuses to admit as much to himself let alone anyone else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:22:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28621002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HighfalutinTomato/pseuds/HighfalutinTomato
Summary: He has no idea how to cope with the loss and buried feelings building up inside. Jason is gone now and he knows it’s only a matter of time before he loses even more, and keeps losing more, until there’s nothing left. So, he takes back control, and he leaves.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	The Failure

He paused, looking out his cabin's open door at the camp once more. It was currently shrouded in darkness. Darkness was something so familiar to him, something that never failed to make him feel overwhelmed and lost and alone. Again. He didn't much miss it.

But one other thing it also provided him was familiarity. A sense of belonging that nothing else could. He belonged in the darkness, in the shadows. He would never belong in the light of the living.

Not when he was invisible to everyone or a presence of darkness hovering in the background and darkening everyone's day. Not when he was terrified of letting himself get too close to anyone again. For fear that he'd lose them too. They were demigods after all, their life expectancy was short and he'd witnessed the end of too many people close to him. This rang even truer when one considered that some of them even... wanted to die.

And now? Now he lost someone, again, just like he always would. Everyone knew children of Hades were just bad luck, bad news, they knew to stay away. Except, they had ignored this, they had let themselves get close to him. Percy, Reyna, Will... Jason. He had pulled Nico close to him by choice, wanted him near, considered him a friend, and he'd grown to become someone Nico could even return the sentiment for. He had helped him so much.

Then he was just gone. Just like that, he'd lost another person, another person he relied on and cared about. Just like he always had and always would. He knew he was being selfish, making his death about himself, but it hurt.

In the end, it hurt much less if he never grew attached in the first place.

He raised the dead and struck fear in the hearts of everyone he went near, only ever able to invoke the terrified compliance and reluctant respect of the dead. That was all he could do, all he wanted to do.

Besides, even if he wanted to get close to anyone, they all had their groups. Their people, the people that made them feel fulfilled and like they'd found a home in them. Percy had Annabeth and the others, Hazel had the Argo. He just didn't fit. He didn't belong in all of that, in the midst of their lives that were always moving on. Moving forward. He who was still stuck in the past would always only be a burden.

Yet, Hazel always looked back towards him. Always held out a hand for him and waited for him, always remembered him. Always tried to pull him out of the darkness and back with her into the light. She knew what it was like, more than any of the others possibly could.

To be a child of the god of the underworld, to be displaced in time, to not fit. Even so, she seemed to, she found her people, she had her friends. Even if she wanted to save him from the darkness, how could she? She wasn't like him, she wasn't broken like him. She still had a chance. She still shone so bright, just like her precious jewels.

He stepped over the threshold of his cabin, out into the moonlit night. Really, it was poetic justice, wasn't it? That the moon should light his final exit. It was as if Artemis herself was encouraging the terrible son of Hades to finally give up and leave for good. After she had encouraged his sister to... he shoved the remainder of that thought to the back of his mind. No more grudges.

He hesitated for only a moment, being reminded of Will through the moon and the sun that came after it. Will had been the one person he was too afraid to consider in all of this. Afraid that he'd give himself a reason to stay if he did, and he couldn't do that, he couldn't stay. He'd tried it, but it just would never work, as was now very apparent to him. Besides, Will had his people and his duties too. He'd be just fine.

He took one more look behind him, back into the torch-lit interior of his cabin. The green flames of the Greek fire flickered and the shadows danced. They could be enchanting in their own way, but the familiar sight only made him feel even more alone. His resolve was once more steeled.

He finally stepped back into his cabin, shutting the door behind him. He leaned against it for only a moment, clutching at his arms tightly as he struggled not to break down right then and there. He had to be strong, like he always was. He couldn't slow down and he couldn't stop. He never could, because that's how he got hurt.

As long as he kept everything he felt shut tightly away, he wouldn't be hurt. As long as he ran, he'd be fine. He had to be.

He stepped into the deep shadows provided by the torches, allowing them to swallow him. To wrap around him tightly and pull him into their void of a world. He closed his eyes and felt himself fall, the nothingness within the shadows racing past him.

When he felt the ground hit his feet again, he immediately collapsed to his knees, wrapping his arms around himself tightly. He turned his face towards the ground, hiding behind his lengthy hair and letting the tears stream down his cheeks, for once. He'd yet to open his eyes and he refused to. He refused to acknowledge that this was really real, he'd really left and he'd really lost everything. Again.

He felt so alone and he knew this was how it was always meant to be.

"Nico?"

His head snapped up and it was at that moment he registered that he was definitely nowhere near where he'd thought he was. There was no lingering sense of doom, no booming voice of his father, no terrified and anxious shades. But perhaps the most convincing of all was the fact that there could be nothing as bright as him where he'd been intending to go.

He guessed a small, traitorous part of himself still refused to give up. He hated it, but maybe it wasn't impossible to escape it. Maybe it wasn't too late.

Yet even so, with all of this want and all of this need to run, he could no longer muster the strength.

**Author's Note:**

> A small vent-y thing so sorry for how short and messy it is-
> 
> Also posted on my tumblr, seashells-of-the-underworld


End file.
